Paying The Right Price After Divorce

I am 35, and I am watching many friends and family going through the dreaded D already. Yes, the BIG dreaded D! DIVORCE. It is an all age range issue lately, and the reasons are all over the board as well. Why the hell did you even get married in the first place?! In my opinion, marriage is taken so lightly nowadays and it has lost most of its weight. It has become nothing but a word in our vocabulary, and a piece of paper for the majority of people.

Lately, marriage is used for; people to immigrate who are unhappy where they are, an excuse for women to make their girlfriends jealous and have thousands upon thousands spent on them in the form of a ring and dream wedding, an outlet to piss off family and friends who think the new significant other is unworthy of their friend or family member. All of this, is childish crap. When did marriage take this turn?! The only good turn that marriage has made is that slowly, all around the world, same sex marriage is becoming a legal thing FINALLY!

So, you think 'Why not get married? There is always divorce.' Well yes, there is. However, if children are involved especially, you are still stuck with this person for life. You will be gathering for school concerts, you will have to pay child support or be a single parent, and later on at your own childs happenings in their adult years as well. So technically, you are still with the person you married and had children with for LIFE.

I am watching my friends and family go through some horrible things during and after the divorce is final, and my biggest pet peeve is those greedy women who feel they need EVERYTHING! Keeping the house, the newest vehicle, most all the furniture, financial assets (such as stocks, bonds, joint money and half the husbands pension) household goods, even the family pet, yet they feel they deserve and need more money still. So they say they need more money for the child for their programs or school outings etc. I have a friend who was told he needed to pay half of his daughters school trip, and his half was $2500. This was a lie by his ex wife, the trips total cost was $2000. I hear this all the time from so many of my male friends, so here divorced dads, let me help you like I have helped so many!

• Your child is still your child. You can call the school or daycare and find out the actual cost of things so that you know the proper 'half' to pay.
• Make checks payable to the school, program, or facility that it is intended for and NOT your ex-wife. You can even mail it or drop it off yourself.
• You do NOT need to pay more than maintenance enforcement/child support has told you to. Yeah, yeah, I know your ex says bad things to you and says your child is suffering, but your child is only suffering because your ex wife is not doing her financial share. Don't fall for it! There is nothing wrong with paying your half of costs for school etc if paid directly to them and not to your ex. She needs to come up with her half too.
• Change everything to HER name only. If she kept the car, don't keep your name on the lease or loan. 
• Do not buy your ex wife anything more. She does not need you to finance a new car or furniture for HER house. Remember when she signed the divorce papers? That means she can do it on her own. 
• Be involved in your kids life. That doesn't mean coming over to your ex wives house to spend time with your child, it means taking your child from there and doing things with them and they spend time at YOUR place

Above all, just BE A GOOD DAD so your kids will learn from having a good male role model around just in case your ex wife picks up some real losers and they are being your childs male role model. Move on with your life and stay in touch with your child, you don't always need your ex wife to be the middle man. You two are stuck parenting together.

It is AhMewsing to me that so many women act like this, helping make a stigma for every woman.  A good woman will not push you into getting married, or put her hands all over your wallet more than she does you.

The Truth About Living With Pets With Disabilities - Resources & Interviews

You might know me as Meridas mom, from Saved Merida/Daily Merida. If you don't, you can always go to her website and read up on Merida and her condition/struggles at http://www.savedmerida.com

People have heard me talk about how it is owning Merida, and all I do for her in previous interviews. (links to interviews are on her website) Since my opinion is out there and I have shown my voice about having a pet with a disability, I thought maybe getting a couple different perspectives might bring some more light on the subject, and serve as education for people who are unaware of life with a disabled pet. This way you can't say I am bias, or just saying "it's really nothing at all to care for Merida". So I bring you an interview with one person who took their disabled pet in, knowing the cats disability. Then another whose beloved pet got an injury of unknown origin, and changed their life forever.

An interview with Holly & Ropa:

What is Ropas disability, and how did you come to decide to keep her?

Ropa is paraplegic. She has no use of her back legs or bladder. When I found her, I was living in a country that does not have the same culture that Americans or other countries do about cats/pets. I took her to a vet, to have her euthanized - that is what you do with a three week old cat that can't walk. Dr. Lisa wanted to give her a few days on pred. I stopped by everyday to check on "Hope". She was lively, hungry, and playful. When Dr. Lisa decided it was time to euthanize Hope, I cried in the University Parking lot where I was going to school and told her no. The fantastic staff at the office encouraged me to take her home. When I did… 

I started calling her "Hope Rope-A-Dope". Such the fighter, like Muhammad Ali! Her name became Ropa. 

Having Ropa has somewhat altered your life I know, but I heard you actually take her TRAVELING with you! Tell me about that.

You would not believe the funny and great stories we have from traveling with her. Being in the Tokyo airport bringing her back to the states and expressing her in the bathroom. The lady next door flushes, she is hovering my hands over the toilet and turns into a spinning top. Pee everywhere! Total sprinkler. Hilarious!! Having a sense of humor is an essential quality to owning one of these kids!!

We have to take Ropa with us, can't find a squeezer she won't fire. #1: We won't be able to leave the country for the entire course of her life. Huge logistics nightmare to travel with her. I could get her where we want to go, but is a vet there going to give a Health Cert to get her home?? I am terrified to chance that. #2: Traveling with her is expensive. $125 for flight plus the cost of pet friendly hotels. Again: we have to be back to squeeze her and day trips are always cut short. #3: Constantly telling people who want to vaca with us that the cats has to be in the equation. Logistically frustrating. 

Do you think you and Ropa have a 'special kind of bond'?

If you have to squeeze a cat three times a day, there has to be a level of mutual respect. I have always had multiple pets and adored them all, but...the relationship that Ropa and I share is much more personal on some level. We made a commitment to trust each other. We call her our "cat-dog". Because of our relationship, she is more like a dog. She wants to know what I am doing, she wants to be with me. She sleeps in my arms, under the covers, every night. What cat does that? When I roll over, I pick her up and put her on the other side, and she snuggles in and goes back to sleep. Co-dependent much, LOL! The payout is the relationship, and that is priceless. I wouldn't change a thing and I am fortunate to have a husband who fell in love with her like I did and supports me and accommodates her as much as is necessary.

For Ropas full story, please see her website http://www.angelfire.com/me2/catsNglass/CWP/RopasStory.html

An interview with Danna & Pip:

Did you have to change your life around much after Pip’s accident to accommodate her new way of life? 

Yes. I don’t go away for weekends anymore and don’t really feel I can make spur-of-the-moment plans, although friends have offered to look after her for a night or two, and she’d probably be fine. She used to come to work with me (pet-friendly office) two or three times a week, but now I keep it to one, if that, because it takes more planning—her litter box takes up more space; the tinned food she now eats isn’t necessarily what my coworkers want to smell—and because I worry more when she wanders the corridors. I go home most days at lunch to check on her.

Much of my early-morning writing time is lost because I’m no longer comfortable putting her out in the walled yard on a lead (she has a 20′ lead) to play with her dog-friend or just explore in general. Part of that is because I worry she’ll get tangled and sustain new injury; part of it is because one day, I happened to glance out into the yard and saw her having a staring contest with the largest red-tailed hawk I’ve ever seen. “Prey!” said Pip’s face; “Prey!” said the raptor’s face; “[Unprintable words here]!” said I. In other words, I spend more time now standing guard over her and entertaining her. Because we live in a small house with an open floor plan, there isn’t any way for me to go into another room and shut a door to be alone.

Has Pip’s demeanour changed at all, or is she still the Pip you knew before her accident?

She is still very much Pip, social and curious and chatty and very, very straightforward about her wants and needs. That’s both wonderful and problematic, because, as I say, she wants to run about outside, and she wants to climb things (and jump off them: eep). Unless she actually tries to jump up after something (a moth, a leaf, my hair) and finds she can’t do so, she seems oblivious to her physical changes. She purrs like mad and eats as much as ever and remains persnickety about grooming.

She’s really quite something.

How aware were you about cats with disabilities and what it took to be their guardian before Pip’s accident?

I’d volunteered for years at a no-kill shelter, so I’d had contact with blind cats, deaf cats, and three-legged cats, but I’d never before met a paralyzed cat, nor did I know anyone who’d ever had one. As it turns out, I knew nothing. Possibly less than nothing.

Has it been hard with all the new adjustments to your lifestyle since Pip’s accident?

It has. It’s been less than a year, so perhaps it gets easier. Certainly I have a support system in place that helps keep me sane, the Facebook group called Cats With Paralysis and Mobility Challenges, even if it is web-based contact. I’m also hoping that bringing in a second cat for companionship—my lease allows me two cats—will take a little of the dance-and-sing stress off me. Mostly, though, I worry. A lot. Like this: What if I’m projecting, and she’s not really happy? What if she’s in terrible pain, and I just can’t tell? Is she lonesome? Should I be doing more physiotherapy with her? Is her diet really OK? Am I doing everything I could be to ensure her health?

Does it feel like you and Pip are more bonded now than you used to be before her accident?

This is a tricky question, because we were already pretty bonded. As I say, she came to work with me, charmed the socks off my coworkers, etc. The main difference now is that she tolerates and seems to understand the necessity for certain new things, such as occasional help in the box, or wet washcloths to clean her tail and back paws when needed. She’ll come ask to be lifted onto, say, the top of a bookcase, which remains a favourite spot. And I feel more protective of her than I have of other pets.

For more of Danna & Pips story, as well as stories from other actual disabled pet owners, please go here. I got an overwhelming outpour from the loving people who own pets with disabilities when I asked for just a couple of people. You have GOT to read these incredible, loving, stories of strength!

Owning a disabled cat does not mean you watch it just lie there, and that you are forever cleaning up endless cat urine or poop. There ARE products and groups out there to help you and your disabled cat live a healthy, happy, and CLEAN life in harmony.

Resourceful Links:

Cats with paralysis & mobility challenges FB page - These people are incredible for advice, support, and ideas. (They do not supply medical advice, that is left to a vet)
FancyPants Website - These should be the diapers of ALL kitties with incontinence issues 5 Stars
Cats with Cerebellar Hypoplaysia FB page - They have adoptable Ch kitty listings by state/country. The people here are some of the MOST creative people I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know. They craft the coolest stuff for their 'wobbly' cats to help them get around.
Pets with Disabilities Website - A list of adoptable pets with their disability listed, as well as resources for wheelchairs and more.
Leggings 4 Life - Pretty kitty stockings to protect your cats legs from getting damaged by rug burn, scrapes, etc if they drag their legs.
Dog Locomotion - Creating wheels for dogs, rabbits, and cats with mobility issues. If your cat could benefit from a cart to gain more mobility, check these guys out.
Friends of Feline Rescue Center - A non-profit, cage free, no-kill feline care facility that aims to educate , and has a 24hr live camera feed to watch! (How great!)
Forever Home Feline Ranch - A non profit, no kill, home for special kitties. They stay here until adopted.

Black Cats - Fighting The Myths

Black cats have a bad rap. So here I will lay it out for you…

Black Cat myths:

1) Bad luck
2) Evil
3) May contain evil spirits (This I consider to be a half of number 2)
4) Their luck depends on which way they walk across your path
5) Anarchist and Witches friends/familiars

There you go. You now have the 2 1/2 reasons why black cats are killed, abused, sheltered, and hardly ever adopted. Yet, how many of you have had the actual personal experience of any of these to ring true, without a shadow of a doubt? No, I am guessing not.

While there are various folklore and mythology sites that can give you the lowdown on the superstitions of past history, I will not be doing that. Due to todays society, I will not be shot nor persecuted for having a black cat in my possession as it once happened in the past history of the world when the pilgrims arrived. I am simply going to put forth information we know in the present society about black cats.

I have owned cats my entire life. I have studied their behaviour on my own, I don't need any special degree to tell you what I know. I have had white cats, orange cats, tabby cats, calico cats, manx cats, rag doll cats, grey cats.. I could go on, but I think you get the idea here. I think I have enough information of my own between owning cats for such a length, volunteering with animals, as well as helping friends or family with their cats. So here is what I KNOW to be true:

Black Cat Facts:

1) THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS ANY AND EVERY OTHER 'CAT'

Is it really that simple? Yeah, it is. They vomit hairballs as often as any other cat. They meow like any other cat. They like to play and chase birds, and mice. They may or may not like the dog, as every other cat. It is amazing to think there is anything wrong with them at all. There truly isn't! These cats have been labeled, without any facts, by myth and legend solely as evil. It is unfair, sad, and bias.

So here, ask me the real questions because I know you are thinking them. I will answer them. 

Has your luck changed since you owned a black cat? 

Answer: No. If anything it has gotten better, but I do not base ANY of that on my cat. I base it by what has regularly been going on in my life.

Has your cat ever seemed 'demonic', attacked you, or done anything scary to say it may be possessed?

Answer: No. My cats acts like every other cat, she hisses if she hates something. She goes crazy jumping and chasing invisible things at random. My non black cat does this too, except he TALKS to the invisibles! (whose possessed now?!)

I bet you are thinking I must be a witch with a black cat and I just read your mind, but no.

The fact of the matter is, it is cat breed that has any influence on HOW they act and why they do what they do. Sometimes genes, disease, or trauma can change their perception of things but it will never change the genes a cat has. It confuses me as to why Siamese are so loved with a history of some of the worst gene pools, yet black cats can come from an exquisite gene pool and are ignored due solely to colour.

So using the black cat facts, make a decision on which way you lean about them. Try to educate your friends and family by loving one yourself. Shelters have many, and they are the first to be put down knowing the adoption rate for these lovely cats. A black cat can purr and love you like any calico can, usually minus half the attitude a calico carries. (They are known for attitude!)

The fact people can believe any of the myths to be true, totally ah mewses me!

Links:
The Jessamine County Animal Shelter has several black cats ready for adoption.
Facebook Black Cat Appreciation Club

Cats with disabilities : Should they live or die?

You may have seen Facebook pages popping up all over for cats. While some are just enthusiasts for their cats and other cats alike, some cat pages are informational. Believe it or not, some pet guardians want to change the face of euthanasia in pets with disabilities. So, should cats with disabilities be put down?

This is a huge question being raised by uneducated pet lovers now, thanks to some brave pet guardians who have chosen to disagree with vets worldwide at some point because their beloved cat was injured either at home, or maybe hit by a car. A surgery or two, thousands of dollars later, and the pet is back home with some pins in its legs to gain back its mobility, or while in other cases, taken home with permanent paralysis or slight brain or nerve damage that is not painful, but causes a lack of speech, visual impairment, or inability to control some of their limbs. These ailments cannot be fixed, but cats with these issues are living great lives despite their disability, and are in no pain!

It has gotten to the point now, that people are finding animals disabled at birth. While in the care of a shelter, a pregnant mother cat has kittens and one has a club foot, wobbles when it walks, or is blind. Should these kittens be put down? While no one can know for sure why these things happen, there is a little bit known about some of these random cats and kittens with certain disabilities. Cats with deformities such as a club foot, or twisted legs, can come from bad genes. Most times inbreeding in feral cat colonies. It happens because people do not spay/neuter their pets and allow them to roam, or simply because people turn a blind eye to the homeless cats running the streets when there are people and programs that can help with one call in most areas. YOU are to blame if you are turning a blind eye.

Neurological issues can effect any young animal or child in utero. Things like the mother eating or drinking toxic substances, or if a virus/illness was present in the mother. While it may not have made the mother ill at all, it can harm the fetus development while in utero. In cats, issues like deformities and abnormal brain development happen. Mainly the most common is called Cerebellar Hypoplasia (Also known as CH) This is when the balance portion of the brain, the cerebellum, does not develop fully or properly and causes a cat to wobble when it walks, taking high steps with their back legs straight, and sometimes fall/trip a little bit because they lose their legs every once in a while. (I know a few humans who trip over themselves a lot more than these kitties do!) This comes from a mother cat carrying the distemper virus or ingesting toxic substances like anti freeze while pregnant. While it does not affect every kitten she gives birth too, it can affect one or all of them to varying degrees. These cats have incredible lives if given the chance to live. This condition gets better as they grow from kitten to adult stage, they are never in any pain, and it does not progress or kill them. I know because I watch videos of CH cats and speak with their owners  everyday. They do not know they are different, nor do they care. They are just normal cats, doing normal cats things, and they are happy to pounce a mouse and get some snuggles from their pet guardians. One infamous internet cat, Moki the wobbly cat, was a normal cat until he caught a random virus which caused his hind legs to become paralyzed.

While there are many illnesses/injuries affecting cats and kittens, mostly caused by people being idiotic, irresponsible, cruel, and heartless. The big question keeps repeating itself with vets and pet admirers of these pages, should these cats be euthanized? I currently own 4 pets that society would have euthanized for no real good reason. Being a pet guardian of a disabled pet, suffered from trauma at birth and after birth while being feral, I can give you a million reasons NOT to euthanize these cats. I am an animal advocate who has saved lots of pets from the streets/bad situations, and I truly believe that if an animal is in pain of suffering and cannot be helped in ANY way, then yes it is better to put it down. We as humans do not get the choice if we are in constant pain to be euthanized, and I consider pets lucky to be put out of their misery when they have no life due to pain or illness. But it is up to their pet guardian to decide to do so. Until you have a disabled pet, you will never understand how they adapt and accept their disability with almost NO limitations. They are unlike us humans, who wallow in pity over our disabilities, loss of limbs or balance.

Who are you to judge these pet guardians for having a cat with a disability that they CHOOSE to pay the extra costs for with their hard earned money, buy disability specific equipment for, and do about 20 more things a day than you do for your pet like bathe them, diaper them, carry them around, take them on vacation, wrap their legs to prevent sores, rearrange their house so the cat has access to places they can enjoy life, make sure their job allows the pet to come to work or a schedule around the pet, take time off work for vet or rehabilitation appointments, carry them places, craft ramps and other wicked cool ideas to help their cats mobility to be a more normal cat, and SO much more!

We have Special Olympics to celebrate humans with disabilities and their challenge to overcome adversity. Why can cats not celebrate this by just being allowed to live?

Should they live, or die? You can help decide.

But first, educate before you post with hate. Then, come and ah-mews-me!

LINKS:

Oskar the blind cat - https://www.facebook.com/BlindOskar
Saved Merida - http://www.savedmerida.com
CH Kitty FAQ - http://chcat.org/faq/
Moki the Wobbly cat - http://thewobblycat.blogspot.ca/p/mokis-story.html
Dot the kitten with Spina Bifida - https://www.facebook.com/dot.the.kitten